As I sit out here on my deck, with three incision wounds in my belly, I think, "I didn't choose the Thug Life..."
Oh wait. That's probably a stretch. My deck does look out over Lake Washington, after all...
Maybe it's more accurate to say, "I didn't choose the Pseudomyxoma peritonei Life. The Pseudomyxoma peritonei Life chose me."
And I THINK that is true.
That is, I THINK PMP is what we are talking about here (but maybe not!!), and I THINK I didn't do something to bring it upon myself. But I can't be sure.
At any rate, what I CAN be sure of is that I DO have three incision/puncture wounds in my belly. And I laugh now at how much I underestimated the effects of getting a laparoscopy. But not really, you know, an actual LAUGH, because that would hurt so much right now. I mean "laugh" in more of a figurative way.
Yeah, maybe they let you go home the same day as the procedure, but that doesn't mean you're going to have a peachy time of it. Trust me.
At any rate, I am dealing with it, and it is getting a little bit better every day. I can tell you this...to all of those fitness people out there who say "you use your core for everything," you have no idea just how true that is.
I didn't talk to the surgeon afterwards. He did talk to Rose and my mother, however. I know bits and pieces of the conversation, and let's just say that it's better to not bring it all up right now. It's not fun stuff. BUT...we are waiting for the biopsy results. And when those come back, we will have most of the answers that we need to move forward. Until then, I am not going to dwell on anything other than the positive. There is really no sense in doing otherwise. Sure, you can take the time to do the planning needed for the not so positive paths forward, but there is no use dwelling on them. Too much Life happening right here, right now.
That reminds me. I want to share a story. It's a love story. In four chapters.
A (Tainted) Love Story, in Four Chapters
Chapter One
Belly: Ow.
Oxycodone: What's wrong?
Belly: I hurt.
Oxycodone: Here, take me.
(Gulp)
Belly: Ahhh, that's better. I love you.
Oxycodone: I love you, too.
Chapter Two
Belly: Ow.
Oxycodone: What's wrong?
Belly: I hurt.
Oxycodone: Here, take me.
(Gulp)
Belly: Ahhh, that's better. I love you.
Oxycodone: I love you, too.
Chapter Three
Belly: Ow.
Oxycodone: What's wrong?
Belly: I hurt.
Oxycodone: Here, take me.
(Gulp)
Belly: Ahhh, that's better. I love you.
Oxycodone: I love you, too.
Chapter Four
Belly: Oxy, thank you for being in my life, but...
Oxycodone: What is it?
Belly: Well, ever since you've come in to my life, I've noticed that I haven't been able to poop.
Oxycodone: Oh, yeah. That's me.
Belly: Oh. Well. Will you please let me poop?
Oxycodone: Sorry. I can't do that.
Belly: Uuum, well, I love you and all, but, I really need to poop.
Oxycodone: Sorry, that's not how it works.
Belly: Well, it's just that I really really need to poop.
Oxycodone: Then you need to give me something for it.
Belly: Please. Anything. Just name it.
Oxycodone: Prune juice.
Belly: Ok, sure. How much do you need?
Oxycodone: How much can you drink?
The end
*********************************
When I look back over the last few years, there is something that really bums me out. Rose and I have never really been able to train hard together. About the time I was gearing up more and more with trail running, Rose was trying to make the Olympic Trials in the 1500m (2012) and USATF Nationals in the 800m (2013). So while my training involved time on the trails and in the hills, Rose's training involved long flat miles and time on the track.
In the late summer of 2013, right when I started having my breathing and strength issues, Rose left the track for the world of Spartan Races. Ever since then, she has been training in a way more like I would have LOVED to have been training...had I been able to do so. As I geared down to figure out what was wrong, and scaled back to the levels my body could handle, Rose's training took off. It has been exciting to watch, but as a lifelong athlete, it has also been difficult at times.
This laparoscopy has made this especially obvious, as I can barely do anything right now, let alone hard training. If I need a larger surgery in the near future, this will be exponentially more true.
In the end, it's just Life. That's how things go sometimes. But in the vein of transparency, I thought that I would share that it is something that gets me down from time to time. It's not so much jealousy, by the way. It's really more about the "training together" piece. I may be 48 years old, but at 100% health, I know that there are still some areas where I can push her. And there are plenty of areas where she can push me. [Spoiler alert: I'm probably not going to be getting a lot better at those things as time goes on! :)]
That said, and I've mentioned this many times over, I love being her Sherpa. It is an honor, and I am so proud of what she has accomplished.
Here is what the Sherpa knows that you may not....Rose is not at the very top of her game yet. She has really never 100% put all of the pieces together.
The Rise of Rose is just beginning.
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